I used to spend extra time writing things down in pretty words that I forced into a perfect fashion
I used to spend hours searching my vocabulary to fit the most poetic rhyme
I used to hunt for the most beautiful way to express the rhythm beating in my head
but somewhere I lost the desire to sound so rehearsed
but somewhere I lost the will to find the words that rhymed
but somewhere I lost the sound of the drums drumming in my head
because words fall into place just the way they do
because not everything is beautiful
not everything has a place… sometimes it’s all just waste…
somewhere I stopped forcing the “right” words and just began to write the truth and regained something I’d lost in meanings I’d ignored
when I was younger I knew pain
as I grew wiser I understood it
when bad days became everyday I wanted out
when I desired an escape, I could only think of one…
who would miss me?
who would even care?
people told me, it gets better… I didn’t want to hear that..
someone said it’s a permanent solution to a temporary problem… how is 6 years (at least) temporary?
but I didn’t do it after all…
maybe because I’m a chicken..
maybe because I was afraid of pain…
I knew deep down I was loved, but I just didn’t believe it… it’s different knowing and feeling… I was too numb
I didn’t stay for my family
I didn’t stay for my friends
I didn’t stay for people throwing religion at me… (I’m a Christian yes… but that’s neither here or there)
I stayed for music and art
I stayed to hear my nephew’s laugh
I stayed for the idea of good days
I stayed not because of anyone else’s idea of life … I’m not trying to convince anyone to stay for me…
find your reason to stay… it’s there… somewhere
this don’t look right… i think you probs need to leave the DJ stuff to ur bro
i really hate this ‘ur other half is out there somewhere u just gotta meet them’ like fuck off im not incomplete im a whole person and i dont need anyone to ‘complete me’ the only thing i need is a pizza and not ur shit bye